the unmarried taboo: leftover women
Ever since I reached an age at which I was supposed to start showing interest in boys, my mom has infiltrated my mind with the notion of "shen nu," literally "leftover women" in Chinese. She told me stories about how her friends would call her up, desperate and distraught, asking for help finding a suitable partner for their single daughters. These single women were all in their late twenties, all highly educated, all doing well in life, except for their lack of a husband. "Don't be like them (and break my heart)," my mom would tell me, as if they were delinquents or lepers.
After I entered college, my mom would bring up this topic every time I came home for break. "Have you found a boyfriend yet? Why not? Doesn't your friend have a boyfriend?" I had always assumed that her intense preoccupation with my relationship status was a product of the conservative culture and time period that she grew up in. I thought that maybe good grades, an internship, or leadership positions would offset my single-ness, but she never gave up despite my sarcastic or exasperated responses.
How can I expect her to, after all, when women who have accomplished more than I can even fathom are still viewed in the context of their relationship, or lack thereof? When Piers Morgan interviewed former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice on his show "Tonight With Piers Morgan," what was it that he talked to her about?
“Dr. Rice, while you remain one of the most eligible women in Washington, how have you avoided being snared in the marital trap?”
“How close have you come?” he asked. “How many times?”
“Do you dream of a fairytale wedding?”
“You’re quite a catch.”
“How would I woo you?”
"I can't imagine you ever being a very subservient wife, I imagine you being quite tough."
(http://www.politico.com/click/stories/1101/piers_morgan_drills_rice_on_marriage.html)
It is easy to imagine how this conversation would have been different had a prominent single male figure been interviewed. Perhaps there would have been a few questions regarding his relationship status, but certainly not from the perspective of marriage. Instead of being asked what kind of husband he would be, he would be asked about how he handles being an eligible bachelor. His single-ness would not carry the same weight nor the same connotations.
Of course, it is also easy to imagine why these particular questions were asked to Rice. The decision-makers at Piers Morgan's show are well aware that a segment about Condoleeza Rice's love life is going to attract more viewers than a segment about Condoleeza Rice's opinions on the upcoming football season.
After I entered college, my mom would bring up this topic every time I came home for break. "Have you found a boyfriend yet? Why not? Doesn't your friend have a boyfriend?" I had always assumed that her intense preoccupation with my relationship status was a product of the conservative culture and time period that she grew up in. I thought that maybe good grades, an internship, or leadership positions would offset my single-ness, but she never gave up despite my sarcastic or exasperated responses.
How can I expect her to, after all, when women who have accomplished more than I can even fathom are still viewed in the context of their relationship, or lack thereof? When Piers Morgan interviewed former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice on his show "Tonight With Piers Morgan," what was it that he talked to her about?
“Dr. Rice, while you remain one of the most eligible women in Washington, how have you avoided being snared in the marital trap?”
“How close have you come?” he asked. “How many times?”
“Do you dream of a fairytale wedding?”
“You’re quite a catch.”
“How would I woo you?”
"I can't imagine you ever being a very subservient wife, I imagine you being quite tough."
(http://www.politico.com/click/stories/1101/piers_morgan_drills_rice_on_marriage.html)
It is easy to imagine how this conversation would have been different had a prominent single male figure been interviewed. Perhaps there would have been a few questions regarding his relationship status, but certainly not from the perspective of marriage. Instead of being asked what kind of husband he would be, he would be asked about how he handles being an eligible bachelor. His single-ness would not carry the same weight nor the same connotations.
Of course, it is also easy to imagine why these particular questions were asked to Rice. The decision-makers at Piers Morgan's show are well aware that a segment about Condoleeza Rice's love life is going to attract more viewers than a segment about Condoleeza Rice's opinions on the upcoming football season.